Facilitation of Conflict & Repair 

 

From Danya Ruttenberg’s book “On repentance and repair – Making Amends in an Unapologetic World.”

 

“We are living in a wild time of cancelling people we don’t tolerate. This builds more angst violence, health issues than we may think. The structures used to talk things out are not centered nor working. We are in roles to model and teach a skill that is rapidly disappearing.
Being uncomfortable (not unsafe) is crucial.”

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Collective Voices' facilitated Conflict & Repair Circle process works well with:

• Schools.

• Families.

• Workplace.

• Communities (agencies, Tribal settings, government, schools, community centers, etc.)

• Couples and friendships.

 

"Jessie is amazing at what she does and has taken a dysfunctional
family situation and has turned it into a very bright
and optimistic way to solve our issues and move forward.

I recommend anyone who wants to try and move forward
to enjoy the transformations. Thank you for everything.." 

~ Joe Jayne, 4th Generation Rancher and Participant in 3-Day
Conflict, Repair, and Grief Circle Process”

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The facilitated sessions led by Collective Voices reduce barriers between people and create conditions for increased understanding, trust, safety, empathy, accountability, shared power, and listening. This allows for the strengthening of relationships that are impacted by hurt, conflict, division, race, gender, religion, socioeconomics, hostility, power, and varying perspectives. By providing an intentional, methodical, facilitated process that aims to uncover the roots of the conflicts, members can take responsibility for how they have affected others and learn how others feel they have been affected in turn. 

 

A Conflict & Repair Circle process is used to address specific often emotionally-charged conflicts, or patterns of conflict between two or more people. The dialogue is a step on the path towards restored relationships with self and others, and centers around this concept versus establishing right and wrong. Conflict & Repair Circles are a voluntary, collaborative form of communication and problem-solving. When used (both proactively and as a response to conflict), silence, violence, and tensions are reduced. 

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Highlighting how conflict is approached form a restorative perspective is an excerpt from the book "Return to the Teachings - Exploring Aboriginal Justice", by Rupert Ross.

 

"Traditional reaching suggests that people will always have different perceptions of what has taken place between them. So, the issue is not about 'searching for the truth' but rather the searching for - and honoring of - the different perspectives we all maintain."

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During a facilitated Circle process, the topics of grief, loss, and transition can be incorporated into the areas of focus.

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A Conflict & Repair Circle process is a structured approach to healing and restorative action. Conflict and harm are often protected by silence, and silence is a protector of many forms of abuse, violence, and relational dynamics that hamper people’s ability to overcome challenges, sustain wellness, and be effective (and productive) in a workplace, community, and/or family setting. 

 

A Conflict & Repair Circle begins with the facilitator having one-on-one sessions with each partipicant to hear their perspective and “side of the story.” After this, we determine if more one-on-ones are needed or if we feel ready for the Circle. During the Circle, the facilitator remains neutral and objective, and works to maintain conditions for all voices to be heard, needs to be expressed, and durable agreements to be found. Strategies for repair are included in the plan for moving forward.

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Resolution is not the goal of this process, per se. One objective for all participants is increased understanding of the concerns and needs of others, as well as better knowing how they have impact others and been impacted by others. Over a period of time, ongoing Conflict & Repair Circles can include the following components:

 

• Establish co-created ground rules.

• Acknowledge the nature of the relationships amongst the participants. 

• Identify the harms, hurts, losses, misunderstandings that have taken place intentionally or unintentionally.

• Explore the reasons by each participants actions/words, as well as the ownership that each participant is able to acknowledge.

• Discuss what each person needs from one another to repair.

• Begin to begin to repair. 

• Address needs, fears, and next steps.

 

At times, work is done with an individual only and does not include others. In this case, the individual and/or their family may recognize that most interactions that individual has are conflictual in nature. Together, we focus on building skills, tools, self awareness, and capacity so that individual may be able to interact with others with less conflict and tension.

 

In our sessions, we provide tools and techniques in order to help transform conflict. Conflict & Repair Circle works best when all participants are willing to speak honestly and seek to understand the perspectives of other participants. A Conflict & Repair process builds mutual understanding. Participants may: explore patterns of communication that stem from and result in fractured relationships, resolve long-standing differences, and learn to receive the concerns and feelings of others and empathize with their needs. 

 

A trained facilitator helps explore the source of conflict. The facilitator provides a framework, an objective lens on the process, a structure, and creates conditions for all voices to be heard in order to find common ground and a path forward.​

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